Moving beyond the doll: How can we raise feminist boys?

Browsing the toy aisle in Target last weekend, I overheard two young women talking. “What did you buy him for his 1st birthday?” one asked. “Oh!” exclaimed the other proudly. “We got him a baby doll. You know, I really just want to defy those gender stereotypes that say boys don’t play with dolls.”

I smiled to myself, weakly. I remember buying my oldest son a baby doll as well, with the same intention. Normally, chatty extrovert that I am, I would have made an encouraging comment to the young mother. But I was (and still am) reeling over the horrific mass shooting at the elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, and I just didn’t have the energy to engage with a stranger.

It got me thinking though. Did 18-year-old Salvador Ramos, the young man who murdered 19 children and 2 teachers at the Robb Elementary School, ever have a baby doll? What about the 18-year-old shooter in the Buffalo grocery store earlier in the month? What about all the men who have been involved in all the mass shootings? Were they just not given the opportunity to nurture a baby doll?

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Susie Fishleder
Yoga for Feminists: What IS it?

In her classic text, Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center, scholar and activist bell hooks expands the definition of feminism and declares that feminism is a position in which:

bell hooks: “one that does not simply fight for the equality of women and men (of the same class) but of a movement that fights to end sexist oppression and exploitation without neglecting other forms of oppression such as racism, classism, imperialism and others. Each of these forms of oppression are interrelated and inseparably connected to each other through interlocking webs of oppression.” (emphasis mine)

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Susie Fishleder
Motherhood as Liberation: A Spiritual Revolution of Mothering

Except no one ever talks about motherhood like this. I’ve been a yoga practitioner for over twenty years, and none of my teachers spoke about motherhood as a spiritual practice. In fact, it was just assumed that becoming a mother meant my own yoga practice and spiritual journey would necessarily be put on hold, that I’d have to wait a few years until my babies were a little older to really dedicate myself again. It took me years of being a prenatal yoga teacher and helping countless women in their transition to motherhood, that I even began to make the connections between my spiritual practice of yoga and my motherhood experiences, and when I finally made that connection, it seemed totally revolutionary to me.

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Susie Fishleder
Revolutionary Mothering

What is the importance of the mother in this family model in ensuring it is not a system of oppression? I dive in first by examining the problems inherent in this family structure, weaving in personal narrative as I consider these issues in relation to my own life, then considering possible solutions for a re-imagining of the nuclear family that take inspiration and wisdom from those who have been offering these critiques from the margins. Layla F. Saad says in her book, Me and White Supremacy, “I invite you to challenge your complicity in this system and work to dismantle it within yourself and the world.”

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Susie Fishleder
Motherhood as Consciousness

Motherhood is a spiritual path, however it is often dismissed as the invisible work of women. But it is within the very everyday acts of compassion and love that make up motherhood that we find innumerable opportunities for spiritual enlightenment.

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Susie Fishleder
Mother Agency

The demanding expectation of attachment parenting makes the following difficult: holding a full-time career, maintaining a romantic relationship with your partner, having interests beyond your children, and getting a good night’s sleep for years. Attachment parenting wasn’t meant for the nuclear family living in isolation. Baby wearing wasn’t meant for one woman to carry the baby for two years straight; she would have had help from her older children, her sisters, and other mothers in the village. The literal weight would have been distributed.

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Susie Fishleder
Mother Identity

During matrescence, in this period of transition from woman to mother, the values and stories we’ve held onto our entire lives begin to shift and change. By connecting with the values that have held priority for you your whole life, and understanding those that have changed, you can find grounding for your ego and identity and discover your true self.

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Susie Fishleder
Stories From My Motherline

I am the daughter of Barbara Jeffries, granddaughter of Beulah Rapp, great-granddaughter of Beulah Jagger, great-great-granddaughter of Mary Schreiner. The forces that have shaped my motherhood experience echo back generations, and I find solace and strength in the women of my Motherline. Our stories dance along the spiral of time; looping, intertwining, overlapping and creating a tapestry of womanhood and motherhood that defies a linear progression.

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